There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize