guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
