There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
