it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
