Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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