I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
