I understand Curling. That high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
