I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
