I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
