After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
