brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
