you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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