just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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