Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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