my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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