And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize