yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
