hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize