If that was your dad, he is hot
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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