"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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