her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
