dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
