ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
