If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
