I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
