I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
