his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
