I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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