she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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