doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
