I'm drive I can fine osifer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
