No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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