its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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