My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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