you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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