I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
