Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
