Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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