you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
