Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
