when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
