That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
