it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
