Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
