Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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