I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
