This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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