Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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