dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
