ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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