checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
