You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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