[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm really busy with my period
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