He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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