I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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