Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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