How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
