Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
