omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize