I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
