So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
