if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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