do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
