i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
