If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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