If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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