I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
