Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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