if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
