a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
