I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
