I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize