so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
