Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
