I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
